The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
