if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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