Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
