You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sext me about skeletons
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
