Jerry, you need to find god
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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