you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
