Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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