I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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