No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
