I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
