Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize