party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Be still, my beating vagina.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
