There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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