I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
