i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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