Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
