yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
