You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
