I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
