Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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