if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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