I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
