Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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