I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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