At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
