I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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