1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
