If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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