ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize