Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
