sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
