Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick

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(512): View more from Texas

turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce

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(518): View more from New York

Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.

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(417): View more from Missouri

If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.

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(818): View more from California

I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.

(805): View more from California

What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.

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(425): View more from Washington

I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt

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(606): View more from Kentucky

I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.

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(224): View more from Illinois

I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...

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