I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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