i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize