my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
