I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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