it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
