Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
