Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
