I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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