Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
