tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
