Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I enjoy the company of your penis
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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