I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
