my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
