Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have demons in me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
