walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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