Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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