My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
