I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
