I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
