i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
