everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
