His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
