as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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