I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
