It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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