My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize