i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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