I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
