She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
