let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize