Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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