i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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