we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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